I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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