I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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