k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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