just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
