the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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