That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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