It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
