I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
