Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
