I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
