oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
