WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
