He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just found puke in my bra..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
