I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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