no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize