he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
