Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
