why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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