my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
