last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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