my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
