I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
