party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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