now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
