if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
