john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
