I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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