dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no you cant smoke seaweed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
