either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
