dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Alive.
So much puke
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
