I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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