could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
