Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
