My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
