Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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