Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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