matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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