curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
