I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
