is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
