That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
