her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
