either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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