The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my moral compass just broke
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
