i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
