My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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