i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
