im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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