are you still at the devil's house?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
