i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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