I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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