speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
